The search to belong…


Staring into shadow
cast
Hearing my echo dulls true
voice
The poser awakens within
seducing me

Shadow, echo and poser
define my false self
Together
reaching to enslave me
Three in one on the prowl

Triune God
center of life inviting me in
Who am I recalibrated
participant in God
Three in one reveals true belonging

I remember the first time I belonged to an inner circle. I was 7 years old. I was asked to wear the “A” (assistant captain) to represent my minor league hockey team. That invitation left me feeling euphoric. I somehow felt included at the most important level of the team. Most of us spend our formative years looking for the inner circle of belonging and acceptance. We often spend our entire lives searching to either fit in or to attack the futility and ignorance of inner circles. Whether it be our career environments, the setting of our social activities (or our children’s), or our spiritual communities, none of us like feeling left out. We want to feel valued and connected.

I recall how my wife Maryanne felt when she went from the grade 10 girl with glasses and braces, invisible to most in a large high school, to one of the most popular young women, dating the captain of the basketball team, in grade 11 and 12 when her braces and glasses were removed. What she thought she wanted she despised when she reached it. It was that early life experience that actually opened up the questions of meaning for her. That inner circle was fickle and empty. She arrived at a place she could hardly wait to leave. The place she thought she was searching for left her wanting.

Our greatest problem isn’t really that we are left out. Our problem is that we don’t know who we are.

What happens when we do not see who we really are in Jesus Christ?

“What do we do when we see ourselves alone, outside, when we have no idea about the real story of Jesus and our inclusion? What happens when confusion sets in and we misunderstand who we are? Confusion leads to longing, and longing leads to searching, and searching leads to inventing and inventing leads to emptiness – greater and greater emptiness.” We invent our realities to protect our confusion and loss. Our inventions are more than distractions… they increase our blindness to who we really are.

What if we knew we had been invited into the most secure, loving, influential and welcoming inner circle that ever existed. The circle of creativity and artistic expression for those searching there. The circle of love and acceptance for those searching there. The circle of meaning and purpose…. All the circles of belonging humans search for are found in this one eternal circle. Participation in the circle of the Triune God.

Our participation in that circle is the point of life and the place we are looking for though we seldom see it. It is there we discover our true glory and who we are.

“It is the genius of the Trinity to figure out a way to give us a real place in the Trinitarian (Father, Son and Spirit) life without losing us in the process. We are connected but not absorbed, united but forever and irreducibly distinct.” We are unaffected participants in the life of God, in the greatest of inner circles.

An inner circle where our false self is denied access.

Todd Rutkowski

* All quotes are from C. Baxter Kruger in his book “The Great Dance”

~ by blueporch on September 17, 2010.

2 Responses to “The search to belong…”

  1. Romans 12: 3 [MSG]

    “The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.”

  2. i love what Baxter Kruger says here… “Underestimating Jesus Christ, and thus misunderstanding who we are, had resulted in the transformation of the whole western world into a culture of anxiety and grief… We are healthy, powerful and educated. But we have lost the freedom to enjoy any of it. We are so anxious and frantic, so busy trying to find ourselves and our purpose, we look over and beyond our true glory and never ever see it, let alone enjoy it. We are like the kid at the fair who suddenly realized the he has been separated from his parents and is lost. He is in the middle of everything a kid dreams about – rides, games, prizes, stuffed animals, cotton candy– but he is so torn up on the inside he cannot even see the fair and has lost every shred of freedom to enjoy it.”

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