Chaos is fashionable yet order is not its boutique

Welcome back!

Over the last several weeks I have taken a break from writing for the blueporch blog. Rest and reflection is good! In returning I thought I would capture in poetic form an overarching theme I am hearing over the last many months…

The theme is “disoriented”

Feeling disoriented is a common sentiment I hear when people are speaking of their spiritual journey. I hear of many who have embarked off the shores of familiarity but haven’t be able to see the horizon of the new land. They are floating on vast waters waiting, hoping, believing in a cautious kind of way. Below are my thoughts dedicated to that journey.

We feel it on the inside but can’t express it on the out
Authentic the cry mustered up in our heart
Captivated by an orientation with lifestyle its center
Community the answer or embracing to care?

Extending beyond ourselves is the missional way
We look for the welcome but the welcome looks our way
Generosity and openness its door but are we enough?
Marketed beyond repair our recovery a must

We hope for much but reach for little
Busy we are and tired we shall be
Longing for more, consumed by the present
Simplicity to our lives we wish to be free

We are open yet closed and confused by our mix
Restructuring our lives we can’t figure to fix
Yet without the “no” beginning in us
It remains a dream, an idea, it must

Conviction is good but not yet enough
Floating, drifting, shedding pretence a must
Discovering afresh ‘who we are’ is the dream
In lifestyle intimacy with God and meaning will be seen

What are your thoughts on this disorientation?

An offering
Todd Rutkowski

~ by blueporch on July 26, 2010.

6 Responses to “Chaos is fashionable yet order is not its boutique”

  1. “Disorientation”

    Yes,I and many of my friends have been blown off of our “local maximum”. Traumatic, but good.

    However this blast off of our mountain leaves one disoriented and confused. For some, they hit the ‘default’ button and attempt to climb back up again to where they once lived.

    For others, this dislodging provides an onramp into the desert.

    For me, it required a detoxification process which took at least two years to discover a measure of equilibrium.

    Those caught in such a world of disorientation seem to have a common tread – a quest to find true and meaningful community.

    Some sought community in the church. Church life provided a measure of community but it often came with prescriptions which had passed their expirary date.

    Others huddled in ‘home groups’ and deliberated over tea and short cake in their search for meaningful community. With time, their tea became insipid and their sense of purpose and focus became very ingrown. Survival meant moving on.

    ‘Disorientation’ now defines the very turf on which each stands. Looking back – one can see that which did not work for them. Looking forward – one failes to see that which they truely want. What is one to do?

    I suggest that you embrace your futility, celebrate your uselessness and buy up the opportunities to learn God’s pathway to true community … a journey to Kingdom community.

    • My wife calls this season simply “losing my religion”, but still wants to find, as Todd points to, as do you, personal, and passionate faith and intimacy with God, but also faithful people to move forward with in a more missional way. I like your words…”an offramp into the desert” – is that similar to “The Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. And he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan.” Sometimes I wonder, in the process of spiritual formation, that a wilderness experience is crucial in shedding our spiritual adolescence. Seems an extended adolescence is pandemic. But these are good days – for many, God may only be able to be heard, perhaps for the first time, in this desert. If the wind of the Spirit is to be purposefully hot and bone-dry, I say, bring it on, because, as an Artist, He can be trusted to bring definition and meaning, even joy and humour, out of chaos and confusion.

  2. Hi Todd, you have captured it in your poetry, a feeling that I was not able to describe. It truly is a journey that requires a letting go of the roadmap and following in blind faith where the timing is not our own. It’s a mystry tour and my one comfort is that I know that God is the tour guide. All I can unxderstand is that I can trust Him. It’s hard at times but I tell myself that it’s Ok to enjoy it (lest I don’t strive to work it out in the context of the worldly ways). I see myself as a little kid just hanging onto my father’s hand and going where I’m taken and not having a care in the world, only concerned that I can see my father and that he is near. If I let go of that hand and lose sight of Him that’s when the panic sets in, just like a small child who loses their parent in the crowd for those few moments. If I do my part, keep close to the father the journey will take care of itself.


  3. Hmmm. I feel like your post is a continuation of our conversation from Sunday Night. Im holding on to HOPE in the midst of the CHAOS. Not for a perfect Utopia but, as the celtic word ‘Cymbrogi’ is defined : “Companions of the heart”.

    The ancient Celtic word Cymbrogi meaning ‘companions of the heart’ to describe the communities that are emerging, gathered around the Zinzendorf story and the vows of the Mustard Seed Order…… Cymbrogi are more than acquaintances – they are covenant companions, life-friends, brothers and sisters in arms.”

    Of course not just far and wide but, in our backyards would be nice 🙂

  4. My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

  5. I find the great challenge is what we (and I include myself) want (community, connection to God in a meaningful way and a life that has some sense of purpose to it in seeing God at work) we often hope for without being willing to evaluate our “lifestyles” and make the adjustments and changes to put us on the place to receive what we really want… we are rather victims of our insecurity, our need to be busy (valued in our culture), or feelings of inadequacy and deep doubts on whether God would work through us. Combine that with our lack of a sense of ‘Who God is’ and Who He is in us and you have people that “believe” but their priorities, choices, and lifestyles don’t look like their declared beliefs….so should we feel guilty and try harder?… NOT…. we should rather give up, surrender and fall in the arms of grace… reaching for the longings of the spirit within us and yes say to them and the new self rejecting the victim role and inadequacy of the longings of the old self…

    My thoughts on how to get there instead of just stare


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